Ghostwriting changed my life.

When I quit my job at the age of 26 to go all in on “freelance writing” I had no idea I’d end up in the lucrative (and transformational) world of ghostwriting.

Since then, ghostwriting has helped me:

• Successfully quit my 9-5 job and build a multibillion-dollar network for myself.
• Move out of a rathole studio apartment, buy my first car, and disavow my former life as the cliché “poor and struggling writer.”
• Master the craft of writing and improve my skills in ways I’m not sure I could have achieved had I not spent thousands of hours practicing with other people’s voices.

But one of the most important takeaways I’ve had from ghostwriting are what I’ve learned about myself and other people.

I have ghostwritten for hundreds of startup founders, executives, and senior leaders at publicly traded companies all over the world. I have also ghostwritten for Silicon Valley venture capitalists, private equity firms, international speakers, New York Times best-selling authors, and even Grammy-winning musicians, Olympic athletes, and Bitcoin billionaires.

And through all of that, I’ve learned some very important life lessons.

Let’s dive in!

Lesson #1: 99% of people just want to feel heard.

Here’s a brutal life truth:

Most people don’t listen.

When you’re talking, the other person isn’t really hearing you. What they’re hearing is their own thoughts interpreting what you’re saying and trying to decide what they should say as soon as your mouth stops moving. And some people don’t even wait for a break in the conversation—they just bulldoze right over you, their inner monologue too loud for them to bear.

But this doesn’t work when you’re a ghostwriter. You have to really listen to people to draw out their best insights and stories. And this is done by becoming a “Close Listener.”

“Close Listening” is an almost meditative practice—you are completely tuned-in to the other person:

• What they’re saying
• How they’re saying it
• But most importantly, what they’re not saying

Talking to a “Close Listener” is special.

You feel seen. You feel safe. You feel like they actually care—and because you feel like they’re “listening,” you are far more willing to divulge information you probably wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing with most other people.

Being a “Close Listener” for people in your life is a gift. It brings depth to your relationships. It opens spontaneous doors of opportunity. And makes it easier to make friends.

At the end of the day, 99% of people just want to feel seen and heard—and “Close Listening” is the cheat code ghostwriting gives you to do it.

Lesson #2: “Success” doesn’t make the journey any easier.

When I ran my agency, I had the opportunity to ghostwrite for a Grammy-winning producer.

He flew me out to his home for a work weekend. He owned a massive ranch with a multimillion-dollar home music studio. He had every keyboard money could buy.

In awe, I said, "Your creative process must be so different today. You have so many options!"

He shook his head and said, "Actually, it's killing me."

To make his next album, he was going to rent a studio apartment in the city.

We all think the journey somehow gets easier once we've achieved our dreams, or made a certain amount of money. From my own experience, and what I've learned ghostwriting for so many successful people, it's actually the opposite.

The journey and creative process gets harder.

So, enjoy wherever it is you are today.

Lesson #3: Mastering “Sales” is how you build stronger relationships.

Sales isn’t about using sleazy sales tactics.

Sales is about helping people and educating them on an outcome they want—all for free.

Over the years, I’ve taken so many sales calls where I realized, halfway through, the client was never going to hire me or simply didn’t have the means. But instead of seeing it as a waste of time, I used these as opportunities to create good will and continue practicing thinking on my feet and helping people solve problems in their business, for free.

I’ve walked out of my office and told my fiancé (now my wife), Alyssa, about so many of these calls that one day she even gave it a name:

“The Cole Gives Back Program.”

I love that.

Even today, before every single sales call, I remind myself:

• Best-case scenario, they hire me.
• Worst-case scenario, I help someone, and continue building The Cole Gives Back Program.

And guess what? When you give, and give, and give away so much knowledge for free, people can’t help but find ways to pay you back.

This doesn’t just apply to business. It applies to all areas of your life—and especially your relationships.

If you give people more of what they want, if you help them out, they’re more likely to return the favor to you in the future.

So always be “selling” by sharing everything you know for free.

Lesson #4: Status matters more than money.

I had one client who was determined to become a New York Times best-selling author.

He pulled out all the stops to sell more books to hit the list:

• He did around 100 podcasts.
• He did tons of guest posts for major publications which his PR company set up for him.
• And he called in every possible favor from his network—from connections he built over the last 5 to 8 years running an events company.

I even spent $6,000 buying 300 copies of his books in return for being put in contact with the CMO of one of the largest tech companies in the world (which ended up being one of largest clients ever, so win for me!).

When his book was published it became a New York Times best-seller. He got the badge.

But a week later, the book completely fell off the charts. And it never climbed back up. He’d used his entire book advance on marketing for the book.

The book made him zero money. In fact, he’d be lucky if he broke even:

• He spent tons of money getting his team members and personal assistants to promote his book.
• He called in every favor possible (and had to return all those promises he made, costing him money).
• And he paid people like me to promote the book for him through our work together.

Getting the New York Times badge probably cost him $250,000+.

The lesson?

Some people will go to incredible lengths to earn a status symbol, and spend tons of money and burn through all the good will they’ve built up over the years, just to feel like they’ve “made it.”

Lesson #5: Everything takes twice as long as you expect.

I don't think I'm the most "talented" writer.

I just think I'm willing to tolerate boring work more than the average person. If other writers endured the boring work as much as I did, they would see similar results. It's not rocket science. It's just hours.

But this “boring” work is why so many people give up on the goals they’re pursuing. They set an arbitrary goal (”I must land my first $5k client in the first month” or “I will publish my book this year”) and when they don’t succeed, they just give up.

When they do this, they stop the compounding—and kill all the benefits of it.

Because a lot of boring work goes into:

• Becoming proficient at a skill
• Promoting yourself and your services
• Building long-term relationships with people

So it makes me sad when I see people give up on a goal they’re pursuing.

I experienced this in my ghostwriting agency.

The goodwill I built with my “Free Consulting” approach to sales, meant that not only new clients came through the door, but old ones decided to come back, and failed sales calls from “way back when” all of a sudden show up in my inbox, ready to buy.

The compounding is very, very real.

• Some of my earliest ghostwriting clients were startup founders who are now worth hundreds of millions of dollars. (Not bad people to have in my network!)
• And some of our longest-standing clients I now consider friends and even mentors. (People I can call anytime for advice.)

Sage wisdom in Silicon Valley, and something I hear repeated often by the founders and investors in that world, is the Naval Ravikant quote:

“Play long-term games with long-term people.”

That’s the goal. You’re playing a long-term game. You are getting yourself in the game, and you are building relationships with people you end up working with (or “near”) for a very, very long time.

That’s it!

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